Today I was ran over by a train...

and his name was Dr. Patel. I've never met a doctor who could make me feel like shit the way he did today. It makes me thankful that I, as a PA, will never have to put up with residency and be harangued by doctors who make you feel like a retard all day. I was basically subjected to the most bizarre and random questions and then told that I didn't know how to think and that I wasn't trying at all. Hmmmm, thats funny because I didn't even learn that shit in school but whatever. It all ended up being not even remotely beneficial and left me holding back the tears in the car ride home. Case in point - a shit storm will come your way in the second year of PA school and it will almost destroy you. I have had my share of moments when I feel like I should just become a waiter and drop out but most days aren't like that. Thank god.

Don't get me wrong... its really hard to pick yourself up off the floor when everything about you has been broken down. It totally sucks but you know what? It actually doesn't matter. If you pass the boards you are more than a sufficient person and PA. So anyone who says otherwise should kiss it.

Ok, so a little update since the last time. I made it through my OBGYN rotations only slightly retarded and got to deliver a baby. Which was anticlimactic and totally sick. Besides that, I just did a lot of pap schmears and IUD inserts. Vaginas are strange and can get really gross when things go wrong. Enough said.

Now I'm in general surgery and its pretty much a mess. KNOW YOUR ANATOMY! I repeat - know your anatomy! Buy the surgical recall book - it should have most of what you need to know if your preceptor isn't a complete psychopath. Side note: beware of who you end up in surgery with. I would suggest screening them and know exactly what you are going into. Otherwise you will end up crying yourself to sleep at night. I'm serious. My roomate had a ortho-surgeon who threw things across the room at her and threw temper tantrums. And the PA that worked with her was a big douche bag and tried to get her into bed. So - screen your surgeons and you will do fine. One more thing - learn to tie. Get a board and some suture material and practice. Its not hard to do the two hand tie but you do have to learn it so get ready. 

Rotation #2: Remember the past

So I pretty much had a dream of a rotation for my second one. I had my internal medicine rotation at a hospital with the best hospitalist ever!!! I would highly recommend getting an inpatient internal medicine rotations. I'm actually going to repeat it. Some tips: Know your diabetes, hypertension, COPD, Pneumonia and PE/DVT. Thats probably 90 percent of what I saw and I think it generally reflects IM in a nutshell. Get the little maxwell book, itll help you write soap notes, know lab values, and dictate. Get ready to do full H&P's - I mean full ones with really good physical exams. It sounds exhaustive but you have to be really complete for the hospital. In the end, you get used to them and it really enhances your skills.

I would also recommend getting your hand on some standard protocols for admits and stuff before hand so you will be ready. Its up to your preceptor but you will get a good idea what to do from those. Hospital medicine will help you become really rounded and it was just what I needed. So take heed! Also, beware the IM outpatient can be excruciatingly boring and slow so if you want some action - try and sneak away to a hospital.

And remember, eventually you will be able to tell a doctor to kiss your ass when you are not a student so hold onto that... haha. Just kidding, but we can always think it. ;)

When bioterrorism takes over the world, I'm going to hunt zombies instead of being a PA...

So, this post is going to be a motley crue of ideas. I've got a bunch of things floating around in my mind right now so I'm just going to write until I feel like its mostly gone. Plus I can't sleep which is a rare occasion so I'm going to take advantage of it.

First order of business... I just turned 24. Probably the most anticlimactic birthday ever - to be honest. I felt like the general theme of this birthday was "I'd rather wipe my ass then do something for your birthday". hahaha. Me and my roomate coined that term when like 5 people bailed out of my birthday dinner with the lamest excuses ever. Its so funny because I know many people care about me, but they sure have a funny way of showing it sometimes. I think I'm not bitter or angry anymore but I keep making this list of people in my mind that didn't even text me to say happy birthday... the list is getting longer and longer - and its really irregular too. Some of my closest friends totally forgot and some of my friends who I barely speak to called me. I'm not even sure what to think anymore. I honestly am not seeking a pity party but I think I just want to use this outlet to say "What the f*ck people?" Aah, I already feel better. or maybe worse. I'm not sure yet. I guess it will all work itself out and I'll come to peace with my situation right now but its a little emotional.

The second realm of thoughts is a reflections on fantasy and reality and how they begin to melt together when you fill your life with too much entertainment, be it books, movies or music. I was reflecting on this because of Edward Cullen. Yes, Edward Cullen everyone. I admit, I did read the Twilight series, which I consider a pock mark on my reading list, but I read it nonetheless. While reading it, and after, I have been reflecting on how the book is ruining my chances with girls and how the reality of junior highers is being changes drastically. Not necessarily by Twilight but by whats behind it. My general fear is this: that more and more, entertainment is distorting our way to see the real world and what we expect of it. I know this idea isn't new but I need to comment on it as I have been pondering it for a while now. Point in case, junior high girls who have become obsessed with Twilight now expect to meet their soul mate who is (ironically) supposed to be the combination of a 150 man who is educated, suave, romantic and very mature but who also looks like a super model and is edgy and sexy. Twilight has distorted the expectations even more than the description I just gave. It scares me to think that girls are starting to expect real men to be like Edward Cullen. Not that girls shouldn't have fantasy about the perfect guy, but I guess I just wonder if girls are missing out on something great and REAL because they sit in their rooms pretending to be Bella while there is something great just a block away. I'm definitely not going to blame Stephanie Meyer for my romantic debacles and the fact that I'm not dating right now, but the book and movie really got me thinking about how I have so many false expectations about love and romance and sex because of the media. I think its the most frightening because most of what the media has told me about life has turned out to be the opposite of truth. It seems like this Edward Cullen business is the new, chic-er version of the knight in shining armour business now that I think about it. Either way, I think life is just a mess and sometimes if we abuse entertainment and use it as an escape, we can be drastically let down by it in the end.

Thirdly, I'm working on an eating makeover and I'm not sure what it looks like yet. I'm letting my intuition guide me but its going to mostly be based on a book by Michael Pollen called "In defense of Food". The generally premise is "Eat food, not too much, mostly vegetables". We'll see where it takes me but I'm trying to eat real food - which is the idea behind the eating makeover. I guess its comparable to the raw diet but not as extreme. We'll see where it goes...

El Pasado: Ok, so I'm trying to get back on track with the whole "writing about PA school and comprehensively leaving advice so if another PA student reads this they might actually get something from it..." so anyways, I left off at Spring quarter. Now you are onto rotations and your second year: which is a craps shoot at best. Most of the programs do it differently which means that you could have really awesome rotations for your second year or you could have really awful rotations or a mix, which you will probable end up with. The thing is that everyone thinks differently of rotations so it will all be relative in the end. First things first though, take a breath and relish in the fact that you just finished the first year and you are pretty much home free from here on out. Its gonna get so much better - I promise. It goes by faster and you learn way more than you could ever imagine. Everything is going to be fine from here on out - just as long as you dont get kicked out or get pregnant.

My first rotation was pediatrics which was a good one to start out with. Start small, finish big is the general idea. Small people as I'm going to call them are both easy and hard. Parents can be totally inflammatory, especially new parents but if you can schmooze the parents you can pretty much do anything. If you are not a kid person, just fake it and they will love you. The more googily you are the better. Here are five things that I'm going to tell you about Pediatrics so I can be done and go to bed: 1- Give antibiotics even if you dont think they need them. Point in case - a little amoxicillin never hurt anyone and most bugs are resistant anyways. So if you think the patient doesn't need it, please all the worried moms out there anyways. If you think its a real infection than give out something better. You'll get the hang of it. 2- not every child is f-ing allergic to PCN! Just because they got a rash, dont blame it on the PCN. Most rashes are related to post viral infections anyways so take a chill pill parents. 3- Most of the visits there is nothing wrong and make sure to learn how to get around that from your doctor. They all know little ways to make the patient feel like they got something even if the kid is fine. Learn home remedies and OTC treatments. 4- Parents will probably not let you do a bunch of stuff on their kid and its ok. I got pissed and I realize now that it wasn't worth it. 5- Vaccination schedules are impossible but if you have to learn them, learn from the MA's. They are geniuses and your best friend.

Thats it kids. I think I'm finally tired.

Words from God’s walk in closet:
I’m not really sure why, but I feel inclined to write where I am writing from everytime I post something. But I think its funny, and actually relevant that you know I am writing from a parsonage. Apparently the organization that provides housing to students owns/ rents this strange parsonage from a church. Quite frankly, I think its haunted. Who knows, it might be God or it might be something else. Either way, it’s a parsonage.
I’m in one of those moods right now… a mood where you want to just run away from your life. A mood where you feel free and completely trapped at the same time. Inner conflict at its best. I don’t know about you, but I feel conflicted most of the time. At work, at school, spiritually, morally and personally.
I have this idea in my head of the way I would like to live – I would like to live consciously of my contribution, I want to recycle, join and organic co-op, not waste money and resources, take public transportation, feed the poor and take care of those in need, I want to be more active, explore nature, eat healthy and really care for people. I want to practice medicine the best way I can but also get people to live healthier without pills. I want to live what I might speak to people. I want to do bikram yoga most days of the week, I want a challenging relationship that I want to contribute to and not think it’s a chore. I want to be true to myself. These are just some of the wants.
It seems as though I don’t do anything that I really want (or think I want) – which begs the question, do I really want these things. Which I truly deep down think that I do – but I’m stuck. I’m scared that I wont ever do these things or anything else.
I feel like the dark in me want me to forget everything I really want for the sake of living a life worthy of anything. The dark part of me wants me to spend all my money on useless shit, be completely rich and wasteful and consume til I drown in it. Or it just wants me to go completely numb and not really care about anything but myself.

Tangent - I just watched Lost in Translation. Sophia Coppola did a magnificent job with that movie by the way. I’ve been to Japan a total of 3 times and the movie made me miss it even more than my basal level of longing to leave the country. For some reason I feel drawn to that place – the contrast between east and west is one of the best I have ever seen juxtaposed. You can experience ancient culture at a temple and then walk down the street and be tempted to spend all your savings at various designer stores. The people have the roots of the most interesting culture which is washed with the western consumer drive. Its amazing. No matter how western the outside appearance becomes, it is still Japan. Nothing less, nothing more.

Recently, I feel the deep need to be creative. To paint, to write and dream. Its probably related to the fact that I’m losing myself the more I work for everybody else. The hard part about what I do, is that I have to stay the same person to every patient I see. My persona in medicine must be steadfast and its excruciating sometimes. Then again, the real me is held back by personal choice in other social scenarios so I cant begrudgingly feel distraught about it. Its just a bizarre life to live and its hard for anyone to understand.

Well, that seems like enough to chew on and I’m going to bed.

Thoughts from jail.

ok, so the heading says thoughts from jail, which is true. I am in jail, but not as a prisoner. I am doing part of my rotation in family practice at the Gila County jail. The irony of it all is that there is nothing "family" about jail but, nonetheless, I write from jail. Lots has happened since the last blog. I moved from California to Arizona, which was sad but a needed change. LA has a strange effect on my spending habits and I tend to blow money like water so I was glad to leave southern california. It really hit me as I left my rotation - what a strange life. Not many people know this, but PA students have to change there lives every 6 weeks. I have moved every 6 weeks to a new place with a new practice and a new doctor since May of 08. Its really sad if you think about it. I build relationships just to end them again in 6 weeks. It really is emotionally draining. In addition to moving back to Arizona, I moved to a little boony town of Globe. It is 60 miles from the nearest Target - which I'm using to quantify distance because I go to Target every tuesday and I have been slightly sad about not being able to go. Its been quite the tradition. Brittany (my roomate) and I would look forward to our "Target Tuesdays" during really hard weeks. The escape to target was much needed to survive the hellish weeks of anatomy, clinical medicine and physiology.
There is something comforting about being in a small town but also very un-nerving (sp?). The community is tight knit but tends to devour it own when things go wrong. I assume this is like most small towns, with the illusion of hierarchy and power. When that is disrupted, somebody gets eaten or torn to pieces.
I'm reading the book called The Shack and its really changing my view of community and relationships - natural and supernatural alike. I'm trying to teach myself a little submission when I enter into a community. Instead of exerting myself to be an individual, I'm practicing submission out of love. Its hard and there is no way around it. I'm beginning to see why community is hard, its more sacrifice than we would expect.
Which could possibly explain why marriages fail so easy - no one thinks about how much they must sacrifice, they just think about the gain. Its not that simple but most of us are just not ready to submit fully to each other.

Spring quarter:
Once you have walked through the fires of winter quarter of PA school - you can do anything. This is pretty much the collective attitude of classes as they pass into their last quarter. I remember my mind wandering into the future far too much when I was in my last quarter. It seems like old hat - new information, but with a sense of deja vu. Senioritis is a good word for it. Most of us were over the quarter before it started and ready for vacation. I don't have much advice for the quarter - its the last little push out into rotations. Dont loose sight of the grand scheme of things. There is a development going on and everything starts to build up to the culmination of a career.
Food for thought - We always joked about a quote from Grey's Anatomy - "We study science and time stops - we're socially retarded". It starts to become true more and more as you get obsessed with medicine. I say obsessed because you almost have to be obsessed with medicine to do it. Make a goal for yourself - spend time with people who have nothing to do with what you are doing. Old friends or people who dont have a medical back ground. Learn how to relate again. Learn to socialize without talking about what you are doing and dont use medical terms. You'll benefit from it in the long run...

Adventures in LA - no medicine needed.

Back to the Future: Today was so great. I felt like I was living - really living and it felt good. Friends, good food, good chai, biking on the beach, driving to pick up a towed car. It was just too good to be true really. Venice Beach and Santa Monica are two places that everyone needs to explore. So many characters to see, so many little places to explore. There is a little coffee shop called Novel Cafe that we grabbed chai at in Venice and its just too great. Its connected to a used book store and its just perfect. We explored Venice and the canals with bikes (which weren't allowed by the way) and I've decided if I ever have enough money I need a vacation house there - which would be more like a vacation room because it would be so outrageous to buy anything of decent size. Anywho, its too bad we didn't do this more often when we were in undergrad. LA has a lot to offer and I think we take it for granted when we are so caught up in our little bubbles of school. I have lived in LA for 4 years and moved away and I'm just finally getting to know my surroundings here. The Griffith Observatory, the Hollywood Sign, Melrose Ave, Santa Monica, Venice Beach, the Block, the Irvine Spectrum. We really are missing out. If you ever make it to LA - dont act too cool to be a tourist. We are all tourists.

Past - I have only a couple of minutes to talk about PA school. I'm on vacation and avoiding thinking about it. Make sure you go on rotations in places you might live and diversify your demographics. Work at places with wealth and poverty and a mix of the two. Go to a different state if you can... Go anywhere and dont settle for what you have been handed to you on a silver platter. There is always something better out there to explore than what you have done today.

Brand new days are ahead...

The past:

I think that I blocked out most of the winter quarter so I used my report card to remind me of how it went (not that grades ever mattered much or reflected what I really learned but it refreshed my memory nonetheless). This quarter was hard. Christmas vacation just throws everything off - you feel like you can slack before and then it hits you when you get back that you have so much crap to learn and study and then its a beautiful chaotic thing by the end of the onslaught. Pharmacology will take over most your time - similar to anatomy. Memorization is the key - but this time its a little bit more applicable to clinical practice. You need to know this stuff and know it well. Most of everything else is pretty much same old same old. You will probably start learning skills - suturing, foreign body removal from the eye, IVs etc. This was a fun break for all of us. Take advantage of the time and practice your suturing. Otherwise you will have a mini-panic attack like me when you have to do it on a real person. My first patient was on an elderly woman's face. I was totally freaked out. So yeah, do yourself a favor and get your skills solid. The bane of my existence and the source of my stress was EKG. Nothing in medicine (unless you love cardiology) will be as frustrating as the elusive EKG. Its frustrating because you simple cant get away from it. You have to know it, whether you like it or not. Dont try and cram for this class. It wont end well. Try your best and learn to love those little 12 leads.

This quarter you might lose and find yourself. Its full of medicine which tends to suck you in. It was hard for me to find my way during this quarter. The halfway mark is hard and with clinicals around the corner, its hard to focus but if you do, itll pay off.

Remember that bond I told you to form with a second year - it should come in handy now. They hold the key to getting good preceptors and rotation sites. Talk to them and get the scoop.

Reality:

As I mentioned, I'm working in a pseudo- ER/ urgent care and its quite a rollercoaster. I have learned quickly that no matter what I do, what I think or what tests I order, I can never get it exactly right because each doctor I have worked with does it differently. Some order 50 tests and some dont order any. Its quite irritating because I feel like an idiot most of the time. Its like you have to customize your presentation of a case depending on the doctor. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills sometimes.

I genuinely like working urgent care though. Its faster than a normal office, diverse enough where you dont get bored and there is plenty to do. PA's have it great when it comes to urgent care work. They don't have to deal with any of the complex patients and we get to punt the really sever cases to another ER - all the while making 6 figures. I like it.

In regards to the real world, old haunts have re-surfaced and the complexities of certain relationships are getting confusing. It seems to me that old friends have a way of kicking you in the balls even when they are out of your life. Its frustrating to say the least. I reflect on how happy I am now but it seems like someone is trying to steal my joy even when they don't have anything to do with my life now. Its strange and interesting. Its like I have a pain somewhere inside but the source is buried so deep because its in the past. I would compare it to an internal scar getting stretched a little too much. Its just uncomfortable. 

Its nice to be a vagrant of sorts - moving every six weeks. How unusual to be a PA student?! I forget that we a very special niche - nomads of medicine if you will. Every six weeks a group of people that we have to schmooze and charm and get to know. Its so strange - and slightly fascinating. I definitely doesn't help with commitment issues though. I feel like I don't have to get to involved anywhere because I'll be gone soon enough. Its unhealthy if you really think about it.

I have a hard time thinking about settling down. Anything more than a year sounds sooooo long. I can't imagine living anywhere for more than that. I guess its irrational to think I can just move every year to a new location and start over. Who knows, maybe I could. 

So, I say to you - all of you who I have forgotten - please cease the attempts to hurt me in places that have healed and scarred from years in the past.

PS> I have officially finished the Twilight series. I not ashamed that I read a book for girls with a weird vampire fetish - Harry Potter will always be the best though, even if he doesn't have fangs.

What happens when something goes wrong?

The Past:

So, on we go to second quarter as I slowly work my way through compiling my thoughts about PA school til the present. Second quarter will feel better - I promise. Anatomy is done and you feel like you can do anything. Dont forget you are just getting started. Physical Exam skills are coming and they are coming quick. This is the point where you begin to build your clinical skills and the knowledge base to actually figure out what is going on. Take advantage of the time off (relatively speaking). The best thing I can say is to get the basics and start practicing. I would suggest spending a day or two with a practicioner to help you hone your skills. Make a connection with a second year to help you. A second year student is your best resource.

On physical exam: Practice, pay attention to detail and time yourself. I always went over time in test so time yourself doing a full wellness exam. Practice in your kitchen with your friends or on your family over break. The most comfortable you get the better.

On clinical medicine: they are going to want you to remember all kinds of details. But try and widdle it down to essentials first. Flash cards will help.

On the other classes: Be a sponge.

On life: Things will get better - Breathe and realize this will seem easier every day.

Take home points:

1 - Practice your physical exam --> consider it your weapons arsenal

2 - Connect with a second year

3 - Volunteer - it will energize you and get you the perspective and practice you need.

Reality: The past 48 hours

I did a paracentesis (the insertion of a needle/ catheter into the abdomen to drain off fluid) yesterday. I was scared shitless and really confident at the same time. I knew I could do it but was super freaked out by the details. Everything went fine and the patient and doctor were super cooperative. The worst part was after... did I puncture something? What if the patient has internal bleeding later tonight or tomorrow? What if I did something wrong and ruin not only my career but my supervising doctors career?

I guess I'm faced with these questions everyday but it was slightly more tangible after a more complex procedure rather than a routine check... I guess I can never forget about how crucial every move I make is. 

Here comes the vent -->The ironic part is the patients - they expect everything to be flawless, fast and easy. What a joke right? Only God or Ghandi could pull off something like that. The sad thing is that everyone is under the illusion that its possible at every given moment. On top of that, they expect it to be done immediately. Tons of patients complain about waiting at an urgent care... I'm sorry, its not my fault nor my problem because I'm trying to take care of really sick people. On top of that, I can't do a flawless job if you (the patient) keep complaining about the wait.  It actually might occur in a timely fashion if I wasn't so concerned about getting sued or missing the most minute detail which might actually lead to some other patients demise or if I didn't have to do pages and pages of paper work to actually get a dime out of the insurance companies. But go ahead patients, complain to me because apparently it doesn't mean anything to anyone that some of us have invested over 100k in what we are doing... Sheesh.

First quarter: Now and then.

Ok, so the first quarter of PA school was scary. Embarking on that journey was scary. In the first two days you are bombarded with information. Don't bother to try and digest all of it, just things you think are important. Use some discretion (not discrimination like my friends today said by mistake - oh, nursie.) I'd liken the first quarter orientation to getting pulled (til your joints pop out) in 2 opposite directions. They tell you - its going to be so hard, the hardest thing ever, harder than ever before, difficult beyond measure yadayadayada... and the others tell you - relax, you'll get through it, you'll be fine, it won't kill you. I'll tell you right now, don't freak out but don't blow it off. First quarter is mind over matter guys - psychologically take PA school by the balls and don't let up. You control the program, don't let the program control you. Anatomy and Biochem are going to be hard, but never skip a lunch break or snack break to cram a few more facts. They almost never work and you need to feed yourself and caffeinate yourself in order to digest those facts anyways. I have no good things to say about which class is harder or easier, which is better or worse. Just learn - its not the first time you've heard it and its not going to be the last. Breathe. Just breathe through the first quarter. I made myself sick over studying and I got so stressed I had to go to the doctor for some muscle relaxers and narcotics to stop a headache. Don't do this - just chill. Take your time, learn the information.

Take home points from first quarter PA school:

1- don't listen to anyone who thinks they know whats coming or what you should do. Do your thing, explore how it works for you. Sift through the bullshit and arrive at spot of oneness with the chaos.

2 - Anatomy is your friend, not your foe. Have fun with it - make songs, dances, flashcards and color coded snacks if you want. After a while, staring at a page 5-6 times is not going to work.

3 - Please make friends and try and go have a drink or watch a movie or cook something on the weekend. Take a break and a mind vacation.

Back to reality,

This weekend was interesting. I came to the realization that us medical types are a glutton for punishment. I'm currently overbooked with work and play and cannot stop planning for myself. Its a disease that I'm trying to cure myself of. Type A may get you places in life, but it won't get you rest thats for sure. I'm either exhausted from work or fun, and even both. This weekend was an exhaustive amount of fun and now I'm tired and have to go to work.

I was thinking about the quote "You can sleep when you are dead" and "When I ever stop moving I'll be dead" and other quotes like that and wonder if its good or bad. Do we accomplish more or less when we get overbooked...

Side note: I saw Twilight today. I'm not ashamed and I'm glad I can laugh about how silly it is to be reading about vampires and teenage girls. Its not really surprising that I kinda liked it though. Its refreshing from work and the news. So then, I'll declare it with pride.

In the beginning.

So, what has happened since the end of undergraduate and the beginning of PA school. Many things - most of which I have already forgotten, but hopefully as I write I will remember.

I graduated on cinco de mayo and it was such a blur. I don't think I was scared because I already knew what I was doing afterwards but it was much scarier for most of my friends. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to leave such a cushioned environment and throw yourself out into the real world. My time is coming soon enough but I would have been horrified. We all survived but I'm glad I made plans.

I had 25 days - yes, only 25- before I started PA school in Arizona. My family and I went on a cruise out of NYC. It was awesome and kinda sad because I blew all of my money but c'est la vie. I moved to AZ just before the month ended and with the help of my mother and grandparents, I furnished a new apartment and was ready for school. I was scared and sad. I think I cried more than ever before when my family and I parted ways. My grandpa started the whole thing - he never cries which caught us all off and then it spiraled from there.

Anywho, move complete and apartment full of Ikea - I prepared for the longest journey to date. The dreaded gross anatomy and physiology. To be continued...

PA school Tips: (yes, even before I got to PA school I had/ have tips)

1. Give yourself time (or don't). The best thing to do is cool off before PA school. Get it out of your system. Pound some beers, visit friends, lay on a beach. Savor time because you must be ready.
2. Decide whether its better to live alone or with a roommate before you start. It'll make your life easier.
3. Be prepared to scout out every coffee shop in a 20 mile radius of your house - consider it a pre-emptive strike. You'll thank me if you do.

Back to the future.

Ok, so this first post I stole from my "about me section" on myspace. I think it pretty much says way too much about me but everyone seems to like it. This blog is going to backwards and then forwards again. I decided I wanted to plot out my journey through graduate school as a PA and beyond. This isn't a blog about how to get into PA school or how to pass anatomy but hopefully some more philosophical reflections on medicine, people, faith and the whole shabang. Onwards and upwards - an introduction.

I love to clean, but I hate vacuuming. I hate the way it is spelled and I hate how the cord gets in theway no matter what you do with it. Plus you have to change the bag or the filter or something like that and I always spill it on the carpet again anyways. I just hate vacuuming.

Christmas is my favorite time of year, but Halloween parties always make the best memories. I wish we could all go to a costume party every weekend (think Marie Antoinette).

I'm terrified of the opposite sex. They are all over my facebook but they still scare me. They're tricky and mostly make me crazy. One minute they like you, then they get bored if you're too nice, then they move on and when you stop liking them, they like you again. Then you have to have a DTR and then its just too much and you get all bitter. And then there was eHarmony.

I'm a big science nerd (more like was in undergrad, now I'm a big medical nerd) and I'm pretty much ok with that. Most people don't realize that its possible to be cool and be into science. Contrary to popular belief, I have met more popular science majors than business majors. Business majors think they are cool because they are business majors, which simply isn't the case.

I love my family. Plain and simple. I love having a meal with the fam and relaxing. They are stubborn and weird and quirky and I love them more everyday. My brother is getting married before me and I'm glad about it. Now I don't have to worry about having kids just to make grandbabies.

I  hate being disrespected but people do it all the time - no matter how much they care about me. I wish people knew how to live out the word RECIPROCITY... I think of my insecurity as a strength, not a weakness. I hate drama, and I hate that I have to mention that I hate drama.

I'm a visionary and I don't live by boundaries. I love to root for the underdog because I feel like one myself most of the time. I love experiencing new things - even if its just once for kicks. Building new relationships keeps me going. I take things personal.

I have a secret obsession with jeans. I have way too many pairs (think one different pair for 2 weeks straight). My feet are claustrophobic and I hate to wear shoes. I'm slowly coming to the realization that flip flops are not appropriate at all times though. 

I wish I were a pirate so that I wouldn't have to shave or have manners. I would have body odor and drink rum all day because its what pirates do. Plus, I desperately want to be called a swashbuckler. Who wouldn't?

I would love to write a book someday - about medicine and traveling and philosophy one day. I feel trapped most of the time and its necessary for me to leave the country at least once a year. I wish I was married so I could have a permanent traveling buddy (well not really but its romantic at least).

I love music but its bizarrely powerful. I have to choose it wisely so I don't go crazy. Music makes everything better in my opinion. Its like adding a soundtrack to a movie. Life is better when there is music. I write songs that no one can read. Its better that way. I love are but most people never see my art either. I love to drive and listen to music with the windows down and the heater blasting.

I use elipses way too much...