Its what I want to do right now.
For some reason, I want to run around like a crazy person and scream at the top of my lungs.
Why, you ask?
Because I'm currently being haunted by my patients today. I didn't have but three patients today and one of them is going to haunt me all day. Something in my gut is screaming that I missed something. Something also confirms that its probably true, that I missed something.
The strange part - I miss things all the time. I miss stuff - its what makes me human. I dont have all the answers nor to I claim to...
However, my patients rely on me to be their god and therefore I am currently driving myself crazy aspiring to become one.
Fruitless but still tempting at the same time.
This might be the beginning of a paranoia in which I neurotically scour every part of a patients visit in order to discover my error. The peculiar part is that I already know I will find many errors. Therein the dilemma. Why search for something that is theoretically already found?
My errors are secret and known at the same time. There, hiding in the cracks, waiting to be found, but I already know they are there.
The ugly part of this whole business is when someone else finds the error or the error of my ways is made known when maleficence befalls a patient, I am on trial for my life...
and all I can do is scream. Right now and in that moment that is waiting for me in the future.
Scream and hope my fate is better than the ones that come before me...
